Monkeys Typing Shakespeare

This is just a quick post to let you know that the first of the two busses we chartered left on its mission to retrieve at least half of our 100 monkeys from various odd jobs around the country.  As mentioned, since running out of bananas, many of our monkeys were forced to take part […]

I spent the day with Bongo painting the office. It’s amazing what a difference a fresh coat of paint has on a monkey feces encrusted wall. I considered removing the dried waste but as I mostly spend my time doing scientist-like stuff, painting a wall was not exactly my deal let alone removing […]

Man this place was a dump! Left in almost total disarray for more than two years, I recently returned to the office to find most of our monkeys gone. All but a few had taken jobs elsewhere as the institute, low on cash, hasn’t been able to provide enough bananas for all 100 […]

We’re a little behind schedule with our updates and winners announcement because Bobo ran off and ate the update we had spent the last week and a half preparing.
After dealing with our city’s health inspector, we are being forced to limit the number of monkeys taking outside coffee breaks to just 10 per hour. […]

March 21, 2003 - From the desk of Mark Schooley ETC(SW) (Dispatch written February 26, 2003)

From left to right: Alberto, Brunie, Eldora and Paz aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln on February 26, 2003

USS Abraham Lincoln - Adam, just thought that I’d drop a quick note and let you know what the monkey’s have been up […]

From the desk of the Top Banana
It’s 2:21 AM. I’ve got a full bag of Funyuns, a fresh can of Coke and only a few monkeys are up typing. The storms that just drenched Southern California turned the monkey’s Zen garden into a mud pit and flooded the SIMI Project’s pantry; ruining about […]

It’s taken some time but the SIMI Project is finally reaching out to real primatologists and other people “in the know” to help us improve our work and research. In the coming months we’ll be featuring members of our newly developed honorary advisory board comprised of people that know a lot about primates. […]

The SIMI News Desk
“Dr.” Adam Safran, founder and primatolinguist emeritus of the SIMI Project has officially announced his 2004 United States presidential bid. Currently 33, if elected, Safran will become the youngest president of the United States at 35 years and 3 months at his swearing in.

“Dr.” Adam Safran of the 100 Monkeys […]

The SIMI News Desk
In a SIMI Project first, Dr. Safran took to the skies to search for 4 monkeys that had escaped from quarantine. However, no one seemed to know why the monkeys were in quarantine in the first place. It seems that they also stole their files containing their entire permanent records, […]

From the SIMI Archives
So, you ask with a bit of skepticism, “what is the SIMI Project?” Quite simply, the SIMI Project is the single most important research being conducted today that doesn’t involve health, physics, geology, astronomy, chemistry, sociology or a few other -ics, -omys, -ogys -and istrys that we know of.

Dr. Adam […]