Monkeys Typing Shakespeare

The SIMI News Desk

“Dr.” Adam Safran, founder and primatolinguist emeritus of the SIMI Project has officially announced his 2004 United States presidential bid. Currently 33, if elected, Safran will become the youngest president of the United States at 35 years and 3 months at his swearing in.

“Dr.” Adam Safran of the 100 Monkeys Project.

Safran was serious yet focused as he put the finishing touches on his paperwork. “It takes five pages to run for this thing. Five.” He said as he signed the last page before sealing the envelope.

While Safran hadn’t raised anywhere close to the $5,000 that necessitated filing papers with the Federal Election Commission, he felt a press release about filing them would make excellent PR. “While I don’t expect to make the national news like Gephardt, Lieberman or Kerry by dropping a few form pages in the mail, it gives me a great excuse to update the home page of my favorite monkey site.” Safran said.

Safran’s bid, while being announced on his “favorite” humor site, is nonetheless, a serious bid for the Whitehouse. “You have to start somewhere.” He said. “At least here, people sort of know me and might actually think this is cool. I’ve been talking about this with my friends and family for years. When I realized I was going to turn 35 in 2004 it sort of clicked. Why not? I thought.”

Safran’s plan for getting to Washington relies heavily on the technology that has provided him a steady living for the past 6 years. “The Internet actually raises the possibility that a regular guy, without a lot of money could win this thing.” He said. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. However, when you don’t have access and you don’t have those big oil connections and none of your family has ever been in power, reaching out to the American people through the Web seems so perfect.”

With less than 22 months until the election, Safran’s to-do list is pretty focused. “Sometime next month I plan to start work on my official website at www.adamsafran.com.” he said. However, right now I need to find a stamp for this envelope to the FEC then get back to work so I can pay my bills.”